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Allison's story

18 Mar 2016 5:05 AM | Administrator (Administrator)

I found this group, Women Against Registry, through Illinois Voices for Reform and have become very interested in it.

I am married to a former offender and have the same beliefs as W.A.R. I love my husband (D.) more than anything and we have a great life together. We have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl. I met D. in high school and we dated off and on until we were about 21 years old. We then split up and went our separate ways. 

We each got married, I had kids and D. did not. His marriage wasn’t a very happy one, his wife at that time was off doing her own thing and he got lonely. He started having affairs and ended up chatting with women online. He met what he thought was a young girl, a minor, and starting talking to her. The conversations were inappropriate because of her age and the content; however, it wasn’t really a girl he was talking to. It was the police. They tried to set up a meet with him but he declined. 

While I don’t condone what he did, I do feel he was searched out and trapped. He ended up being arrested and served time and is now on the registry. He lost what he thought were his friends, some family members, his job just to name a few. He was never supposed to serve the time that he did, but his attorney was not a very good one and ultimately committed suicide just recently after losing so many of his cases.

My marriage to my first husband was in a downhill spiral and things were getting bad. He started becoming controlling, demeaning, and eventually abusive. My first husband and I were married almost 10 years and had 2 kids together.

D.’s sister had found me on Facebook 3 years ago and the rest is history. D. and I became friends again and he was upfront with me about his past and because I knew the real him, it didn’t bother me. 

I told my ex-husband I wanted a divorce and I’ll never forget what he told me. He said “I will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t get the kids.” Of course being a mom, I was devastated and terrified. Well 3 years later, he kept that promise and I now have zero visitations because I married a RSO. If I want visitation I have to be supervised with his approval of the supervisor.  

I have had an Order of Protection against my ex for stalking and harassment. He has admitted in court that he watches me and everyone just dismissed it as it was nothing. He has since remarried as well and still to this day, continues to harass me and D.. 

My ex calls our daughter’s daycare to tell them her father is an RSO. My ex became employed at my work, I had to file bankruptcy to rid of my divorce debt and he showed up to my bankruptcy hearing, he harasses my husband online using fake emails. 

My husband loves to play videogames and write reviews on them. It’s sort of his passion in life. He has made new friendships all over the world from this and my ex has reached out to these people again using fake emails and staying anonymous, to tell them about D. and even linking them to the registry causing him to lose these connections. 

We have tried to file harassment charges but because my ex hasn’t done anything physical to hurt me the police and courts won’t do anything to stop him. My guess is it’s because of my husband. We live in a small town so they all know my situation. I am being treated like I am the one with the felony. The police admit my ex is probably watching me but there’s nothing they can do. We cannot get any help from the law. 

My husband and I are in the process of discussing moving to another state with more lenient former offender laws and to get farther away from my ex. My husband has a great job that he loves and we are fortunate enough that he can pretty much move anywhere and he can still work for them.

I love my husband very much. He is truly my soul mate and it breaks my heart to see the evil in people when they hear the word sex offender. While I understand what he did was wrong, my husband is not the monster he is made out to be. He made a mistake and he knows that. He is angry and embarrassed by what he did, but we all make bad choices in life some are just worse than others. It doesn’t make us bad people. 

My husband is an amazing husband and father. I watch him with our daughter and it absolutely melts my heart. He loves her more than his own life just as any parent does. He adores her and she just lights up when she sees him. She’s such a daddy’s girl. Being parents, we both understand the need for a registry and we believe the theory behind it is great, however it’s being abused by being published on the internet to incite fear and hate. 

Nonviolent offenders like my husband are ostracized for life because of this abuse. The terms used in the registry are offensive and inaccurate. We fully support all efforts in getting any laws changed or revised to protect not only the people on the registry but their families as well.

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